Dear
by AlwaysJonnorLove
Summary: A series of letters that Farkle and Lucas write to each other
1. 1 Dear Farkle

**Author's note: So this fic will be a series of letters Lucas and Farkle write to each other. It will be heartbreaking, so be prepared!**

June 27th, 2014

Dear Farkle,

I didn't know whether to come to you in person or not. I know that we're good friends and all, but I just… I just couldn't say it, that's why I am writing you this letter.

Friends tell each other everything right? Especially real friends. As you have often said, I am your best friend, so I want you to know this. It's hard for me to tell you, but Farkle, I am gay.

Now I know your perspective on homosexuality, and I don't expect you to change, as I know that you are a stubborn young man who can't be easily persuaded, but I just wanted you to know the real me. The only thing I ask you, is to not treat me like the kids you've been teasing (or perhaps bullying) for it at school. I want to ask you to remain my friend.

Farkle, you have been my friend ever since I moved here and became best friends not much later. I am begging you not to throw what we have in the gutter and leave me because of whom I love. I don't want to lose you, Farkle, I don't. I want us to stay what we are, the best of friends. I want for us to beat Riley and Maya in our competition of best friendship. Farkle, I care for you and I hope that you still care for me now that you know who I really am.

I hope that all will be well…

Your best friend,

Lucas


	2. 2 Dear Lucas

June 30th, 2014

Lucas,

I would write "Dear Lucas", but that'd just… seem inappropriate, I think.

Lucas, what you wrote to me shocked me. I never suspected you to… you know…  
I need some time to think this over. It's a lot for me to process that my best friend turns out to be someone I, according to my personal values, should despise.

Lucas, I know that you came to me with information that I should not spread around and I respect your privacy on that. I do, however, need some time alone, some time away from our friendship, I guess, like Maya needed her vacation from Riley.

Lucas, I want to stay your friend, I do. I just need to figure out how to do that. I have to learn how to suppress my values in order for you to be who you are around me, because that's another one of my values: being able to be yourself around your friends. Please allow me to take my time to get everything clear in my mind. I don't want to shut you out completely, I don't. Could we please, like we do now, solely communicate via letters?

I hope you'll understand…

Your buddy,

Farkle


	3. 3 Dear Farkle

July 3rd, 2014

Dear Farkle,

I hope you don't mind me still using the word 'dear'… it's what I've always done, and always will continue to do.

I am extremely relieved that given your personal views, you still consider me to be your friend and I am endlessly grateful that you are willing to set your views aside in order for me to be me.

Farkle, I am glad to have you for a friend, and I must honestly thank you for what you are doing for me, but I have to tell you the truth – a truth which may cause you to reconsider your thoughts on me…

Farkle, ever since I moved here, I have had quite the crush on one of our classmates… Actually, I am crushing heavily on you… Knowing you, being able to call you my best friend is great; I really love to be so close to you. So far, I have known that you'll reject me, because of your views… If I may be very honest with you, I am having difficulties with that. My mind creates scenarios that are not likely to happen. Every time you call me 'buddy', my mind changes it into 'baby', because I want you so bad… But then you call me 'freak', and all I hear is 'fag', because I know you'd hate me.

Farkle, I'm not telling you this because I want to lose you, because I don't… I'm telling you this because we're best friends, and best friends are honest towards each other.

Please be honest with me too, but please… if you don't want to know me anymore, don't be hard on me… I'm already in a very bad place…

Lucas.


	4. 4 Dear Lucas

July 7th, 2014

Lucas,

You have just put a whole new level of burden upon my shoulders…

I would never have thought that you'd have the hots for me, and quite frankly, I don't know if I'm comfortable with it. Accepting you is hard on me, Lucas, and this does not exactly make it better.

Lucas, it's not that I don't want to be friends anymore, but something in me tells me that we can't. I am terribly sorry…

I won't forget our times together as best friends, and I will certainly never forget you, but I just don't see this working out…

I'm sorry,

Farkle


	5. 5 Dear Lucas

July 18th, 2014

Lucas,

I know that I've broken the friendship with you, but I just have to know this one thing…

Have you really…

Did you really…

I can't even say it… If I'd say it, it'd become real. Lucas, I don't want you to be gone, please tell me that you're not.

Lucas, please tell me that you didn't… really go to the other side, as you'd have said it…

Please tell me you didn't die…

Please…

Farkle


	6. 6 Dear Lucas

July 21st, 2014

Lucas,

It is real… You really did…

Lucas, I must honestly tell you, I've never cried so hard as when I found out that you really…  
I still can't say it. It's all too real… I feel like it's my fault… I told you I couldn't be friends anymore… is that why you did it? Because if that's it, I would indirectly be a murderer… and I'd feel forever guilty about that…

Tomorrow is your funeral. I am going… I have to. After all, you were my best friend. I have written a eulogy. I have written down every good aspect of your life, every good memory I have of you. I just wish I wouldn't have to do this now…

You were too young, Lucas. You had your whole life in front of you… But I get it. Your parents didn't accept you, and when your best friend didn't either, that must've been the hardest you'd ever face.

I'll see you tomorrow to say goodbye to you…

Farkle


	7. 7 Dear Lucas

July 23rd, 2014

Lucas,

Yesterday was your funeral. There was a sermon at your church, which admittedly was pretty good, though I had never been to a sermon before, so I don't have anything to make a concrete comparison…

Anyway, during the sermon, I decided to share my eulogy with the rest of the people present. I saw several people crying, including myself. I sobbed through each word, not even knowing if people could actually hear what I was saying. They played all your favourite songs. They had blue flowers everywhere, as we know that blue was your favourite colour.

I wasn't wearing anything blue. I was wearing a black suit. To honour you, I had swapped my white blouse for a pink one. When we walked to the cemetery, I talked to your parents, who said that they regret saying those hurtful things to you. I know their pain. I wish I could take back my words…

Lucas, during your burial, the sun shone beautifully. The rays fell exactly on your grave, and for one instant, I felt like you were there with me. Lucas, I already miss you.

Lucas, your funeral was exactly how I think you'd have wanted it… Too bad it had to be so early.

I'm sorry.

Your friend,

Farkle


	8. 8 Dear Lucas

July 22nd, 2019

Dear Lucas,

It's been exactly five years since your funeral. It's been more than five years since you committed suicide. It's been five years since you hung yourself. It's been more than five years since I lost the person who I thought would be standing next to me for the rest of my life.

Lucas, I never intended for you to be so hurt by my words that you'd do something as drastic as what you did, and I'll never forgive myself. I regret my words, even more so as they defined me as much as they defined you… I am gay myself too.

I figured it out a while ago, though I never had the courage to say it. Lucas, you're the first one to know and I'm not sure when the rest will know.

Knowing this, I certainly feel personally responsible for your death. There hasn't been a day in these five years that I haven't thought about you. You're always on my mind, and I really wish you'd always be by my side as well, but I know I've contributed to the fact that you're not.

Lukey, I just had to tell you. I really hate what I did five years ago, and I hope that you can forgive me, because I can't. Thanks to you, I started believing in heaven. I believe that you're up there somewhere, looking down on me, perhaps protecting me, but most of all: loving me, like you've done since the day we met.

Lucas, if I may be completely honest, I really think that we'd have a bright future together. I think that if you'd still be here, we'd have become boyfriends and perhaps even married each other. Those dreams will forever be mine, but never to be realized….

I love you, Lucas,

Your buddy,

Farkle.


	9. 9 Dear Lucas

March 13th, 2026

Dear Lucas,

Today is my wedding day. Deep in my heart, I still believe that it should have been you who would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I'd be Mr. Farkle Friar, and we'd be together forever…

But it's not that way. I'm getting married to Jason Galloway, who I've met a few years back. I really love him, Lucas, but he's not you. He can't replace you. He's different, and I know that different can be better, but I don't know. I think you're equally lovable, but I just have so many sentiments about you…

Anyway, I would want to ask you to be my heavenly Best Man. Will you please guide me while I walk the aisle, on my way to get married? And will you please watch over me from this day forth? I know that I'm putting my trust in your safe hands. I know that you'll always guide me.

Thank you.

Your buddy,

Farkle Minkus (Galloway)


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